best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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