Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
