I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
