So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
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I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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