where am i from again
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
