3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i will never coherently bang her
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
