3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
