Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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