At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
