it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
