my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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