I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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