mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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