I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And then my night got REAL pukey
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
