He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
