all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
