I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
