As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
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She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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