is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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