It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
