Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
