Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
