I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
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