I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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