I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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