that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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