you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
