on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
