If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
