I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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