trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
