Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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