he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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