foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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