what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
