He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
