you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize