I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
