2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
