Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
