i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize