Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
