then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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