it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
