i'm signing you up for texting rehab
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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