i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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