do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
