I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
