My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
