fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
