I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
