On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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