I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
