It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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