also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize