she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
