garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
