I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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