you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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