Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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