Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im having a threesome with these popsicles
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
