YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
