Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
