I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
