Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
