i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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