How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
