So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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