she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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