Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
