Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
